Comments on My Essay
Please comment on my Writing in Business essay.
5 Survey Questions
1.) Do you listen to music while studying? 2.) Do you ever get distracted by your music? 3.) What type of music do you listen to while studying? 4.) Do you feel music helps you focus more? 5.) How loud is the music while you study?
Edited by Ellie McDermott
ReplyDeleteMy overall impression of Matt's paper was that he did a nice job of conducting an interview and using valuable information within his paper. It was clear that the field of business is much different in college compared to real life job settings.
While edited Matt's paper there were a few edits I would recommend. First, I would work on the overall structure of the paper. I found it a little confusing with the subheadings and how general they were. For example on page 2, the heading "language" is used, but then "academic" is after in the next paragraph. I would suggest structuring the paper in a way that is less confusing for the reader to understand if you are talking about academic or non-academic.
Second, I would try and reword sentences within the essay to avoid using "I" and other personal pronouns. By doing this I think the paper would sound a lot more professional and clear. Along with avoiding personal pronouns I sugguest trying to reword some sentences to make them clearer and less confusing to the reader. See example of this on page 3.
Lastly, I would move the graphics below the sentences so it does not break them up. Example is on page 6. Also, if the graphics are moved I recommend referring to them by their title. For example the graph has a title of "Visual Variables" to allow the reader to understand.
Great Paper Matt!
The overall impression I got from Matt's paper is that he used a lot of good sources and used charts which was a good use of an example to help explain the paper. He made clear statements on the variety of different writings in the business field.
ReplyDeletehowever I did come across a few areas the paper could improve on. The first on is, for language, structure and audience to make sure those paragraphs are more than just a few sentences. Since those are some of the main sections I would write more in those subtitles instead of the actual nonacademic/academic section, so its more clear.
Another edit I would make is for your references. Make sure when writing your references the titles of papers or articles are sentence case. That means only capitalize the first letter in the sentence and the rest will be lower case.
Lastly, I would switch around the structure of your paper. For example, in your non-academic section you only are really talking about audience when that section would be more useful in the audience section. In the non-academic section you should be talking about types of non academic writings. you could also talk about how structure, language and audience are needed in non academic writing.